'09

the year i was supposedly was gonna graduate is here. nothing has really gone so good in 2008. i think i was a lil abrasive with my decisions. leaving to see sam right away mistake i fucked up without knowing not because of sam because i didn't know it was gonna be this hard to get shit done in hayti. i would've waited another month and got more money and would've probably had myself in a better position then i do now. so now i still gotta make up a year of school and figure out how the f*ck i'm suppose to get a job anytime soon so i can pay tuition for school then college. so let's review what's coming up this year, 1.21 Brandasia turns 4 :) 3.20 Samantha turns 21 :) 4.18 I turn 18 4.23 Mom turns 48. ehh i'm tired of thinking, i don't want to be here after dasia is finish school i don't think i can make it out in a lil small town it's just not for me some people find their way but i can't find mine. i don't think i should force anything anymore maybe i was right when i thought her being there and me being here was right, people get so used to where they're from that u can't just expect them to not want them to be there, i think i need to stop being selfish and handle things like i always did. she needs to be down here i can't take the city out of her heart, and i can't take the city out of mine. it's just not gonna work like this we got our own responsibilities and people to worry about that we can't stay here or there we gotta be on our own like we was. yea i can't reach my hand through a monitor or phone but that doesn't mean that i'm not there if i think about it we never had fights while we were away. but now, it's just us beating eachother up and getting mad over dumb stuff it doesn't make sense...at all. u got your family to carry on your shoulders and suprisingly now i got mine. 2008 was indeed not my year but i gotta do something in 2009. i gotta get in school i gotta workout i gotta WORK in general for money i gotta get all my papers and stuff worked out i got alot to do that could've been done. i wish i would've did it by now but being here is not getting me nowhere i think imma just go back and forth like i didn't want to do because i'm stubborn hmm i don't want her to leave her family it's not fair she miss them and i would feel bad having her up in philly i don't think she should even visit anymore imma just go whenever dasia finish school i guess i'm not gonna leave while she still in school that's not right. i need to get my stuff together in general it's just a big ol' mess i can't be lazy and wait any longer. 2009 here i come

oh and i don't talk about her i talk about samantha
when u don't want your brother go through what u
went through you'd understand ;) so yea u hush.